I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
