I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
