i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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