I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
