Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
