So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize