I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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