Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
