So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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