my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
