did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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