Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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