talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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