I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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