I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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