He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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