if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
