I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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