Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
