Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
