ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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