This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
