We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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