I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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