I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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