I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
