Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
