so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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