Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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