I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
