Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
