this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
