some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize