Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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