This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
