A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
