Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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