I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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