You made me cry and you don't even care
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
