What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
