He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
