I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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