So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
