Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
