Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
