She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
