her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize