I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
