You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
