final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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