I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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