Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
so much tequila, so little girl.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
