I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
BRING THE BAGELS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
