Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
