she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
