Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I didn't notice because vodka
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize