I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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