He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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