Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
