when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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