So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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