You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she peed on how many people?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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