smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
