You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
