Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
