so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Sorry about my life...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
