After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
