I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
