the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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