there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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