you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
