I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
