I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
All the doctor said was why
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
