i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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