return my video game
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
