My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
