I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
